reflections fr a wake...

juz came back from meng's papa wake...

actualli dun realli know meng nor his papa well but we juz wanted to go support mitch n meng..

my impression of meng last time used to be tat he was a v non-serious, jokey kind of guy..was actualli quite worried for mitch..not sure if meng was a dependable guy...haaa...
but had a v different feelin 2wards him after we went to hospi to visit his dad the time when he was sick n still alive...

fr mitch sharing w us n observation at de hosp...discovered tat meng is actually a v responsible, v homely n fillial son, who doesnt give up lovin n caring for his dad who was paralysed n always had to be given much attn bcos of his medical condition...
such a carin n fillial son is hard n rare to find...underneath de "not seriousness"....i saw de fighter spirit n carin side of him tat day...could tell tat he really loved n cared for his dad alot alot...

according to mitch, he wld come fr wk each day, dropped his bag n go straight to check on his dad, to check on his parameters to make sure he was ok....chit chat w him (though his dad couldnt realli articulate except make groans bcos he was probably feelin uncomfy)..many a times, meng n family wld ve to guess (by trial n error) wat was causing his dad discomfort n they wld do anythin (eg shift his sleepin position) to make him more comfy...n his dad would actually calm down upon seein meng...

heard fr mitch tat meng papa was actualli a very strong spirited man too...tat his last words to meng (many yrs ago when he had a stroke n had to be operated, he cldnt realli talk anymore aft de op) when he was bein wheeled into op rm was...i will be strong...his dad was a fighter n he had "tong" so long..despite his imobility, sickness n all...i ve seen so many others whom simply give up on themselves n grown so independent on others n literally juz waitin for death to come...

so strong is the human fightin spirit to live n de ability to hang on bcos of family's love...truly i see love exhibited in de family ....in health n in sickness :)

i was realli amazed by meng patience n understandin of his father's needs though de dad cldnt really speak....to see him kissed his dad half sunken skull...i was deeply moved n secretly wished in my heart tat i had de same passion n compassion 2wards my parents (esp my dad) ..i certainly wasnt as carin to my dad as meng when he was sick in hosp (guilty)

after de visit, went home, occasionally tot of meng papa, wonderin if he was ok oradi but didnt went to visit him again...

was gettin ready for church dis morn, suddenly got a msg fr mitch tat meng papa has passed on...was sad n at same time worried abt how meng n his mum wld take it (cos dey were v closed to de dad)...it has been a tiring time for them...3 deaths in de family within such a short period...it is really not easy...

durin de wake, got to chat w mitch alittle, caught up on de old times, discuss abt venues for holidays n honeymoon..it was nice catchin up..enjoyin each other's company n supportin one another...

had alot of reflections...i was shocked to realised how unfeeling i ve bcome 2wards death of pp...one doesnt realli care much or feel de pain these days (cos it juz seem normal)...unless it happened to frens or closed one..even then, after awhile..de 'unfeeliness' creeps back...
God ps forgive me for de hardness of heart...de lack of passion, sorrow when i hear or see or know pp passing on wout knowin u...

suddenly realised & was convicted..tat...how much i ought to pray for de move of God in my life n in my family n frens lives...
tat i ought to treasure my folks at home more, not to take de pp ard me for granted tat dey wld always b there, not to tink tat there wld alwiz be "another" opportunity to share w them christ...cos there might never be...

i always feel de greatest sorrow.... is not de passing of someone i love or know...but tat he/her had passed on w/out knowing christ...cos tat wld mean i ve lost them for eternally... tat i wld never ever see them again...

tat tot is unbearable...n too painful to bear...de one time i felt tat pain...was in a dream tat i dreamt wen i was studying in down under..i had repeatedly asked God if i shld come back to sing or stay on aus...(every part of me wanted so much to stay in aus)
i prayed n prayed but for v long God didnt ans...He did not speak to me thru lightning n thunder..but He gave me a dream....i m dreamer haa...=p

i dreamt tat my dad actually died..i was home n i saw his tablet...he had died a non christian..
i rem i felt so so sad, so much sorrow tat i juz wept n wept..like i can never stop..
i felt so sorry tat i didnt get to see him for de last time b4 he passed on,
i was sorry tat i didnt share christ w him tat he didnt know God n he died.tat i had lost him forever...i regretted tat i didnt had de chance to tell him i love him n i was sorry we cldnt experience de lovin relp of father n daughter...i called him earlier next mornin juz to say "i love you dad" tink he was pretty pleasantly surprised to hear tat fr me...haaa

before de dream...i never tot i had realli loved my dad...i always tot i loved him cos i ve to ..cos he is my father..but after i woke up fr de dream...i realise i do love him deeply...n God ans to me was to come back to sing...cos i ve to share w my dad n loved ones!!!

i obeyed n believed w all my heart..my dad wld b saved!! he has to be!! i held God to His promise.. in Acts 16;31 "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household." i dun noe why, but God juz gave me tremendous faith to believe in tat & God is faithful n de promise came to pass! my dad is a christian now, serving God in His house Hallelujah! only God can do it!! Praise de Lord amen!! heee

i hereby write down my dream lest i forgot =P..tat is to see my entire family, my loved ones, my frens, pp whom God has/is goin to put in my path saved!! so tat i can still continue to see them for eternity in heaven!!! yeah yeah :o)

Dear God, pls keep my heart soft, to ve Your same passion, love for pp salvation...to always rely on Yr strength n pray for pp's salvation...tat i wld never bcomin "unfeelin" 2wards pp passin on, not to "ignore" or not take up any opportunity tat U ve provided to share christ w pp...Lord, U ve given n made me who i m today, wout U i m nothin, Lord, ps use me to touch pp lives, to bring them all into Your kingdom n enjoy de abundant life n blessings U ve given to us amen!! :o)

thank u God for everythin :)
feelin much better now..hee..goin to zzzz...